A chance to breathe again

I've been putting off writing this for a while now. This is going to be the most personal blog I have made public so far. My hope is that the purpose of writing this is clear. As many already know, I lost my mother unexpectedly in April of 2016. Several months after my mother died I went through a divorce(I'd be happy to answer any further questions about this privately). This blog (along with my other blogs) is not a means to gain sympathy. First and foremost, I write to release and better understand my own emotions. I want a clearer view of what is going on in my own life. Writing helps me cope with the battles I fight every day. Second, I write to identify with anyone who may be going through similar circumstances. I wish I could go back to warn and mentor myself before and during the darkest days of my life(so far). If I could be of any small help to someone who can relate in the smallest way, I would be honored. I want to be as real as possible as I bring to light the bat

It's been a year since Mom went home. Life's been tough. Life is weird. I feel like I'm trying to get my head screwed back on after nearly a year of confusion, self infliction, and hurt. At this point I'm not even sure if I'm angry at anyone except myself. I'd like to be excited about starting over in my hometown, but it's been difficult to find enthusiasm in this storm that is still raging inside of me. I'd like to say I've applied what I've learned in the last year to better myself, but I think I'd be exaggerating. They say not all who wander are lost, but it sure feels like I am. I'm convinced that it is not tragedy that makes or break us, but instead the decisions we make in the midst of tragedy that do . I remember wandering aimlessly in the days following my mother's death, feeling like a small helpless child. I wasn't angry or bitter. I was confused. I had never seen the world like I did then. It felt like stepping out of